Review: App Review Guidelines: The Comic Book

The review for this Wednesday is for an unexpected, shall we say, release: it doesn’t appear to have been solicited through Diamond1 beforehand, and so the first comic book coming from Apple Inc. as a publisher, at least first in recent history, came as a complete surprise to everyone. It was released at the same time as many news from Apple, so it took me a bit of time to notice it, then get to it.

Before we begin, if you’ve followed this blog for a bit, you might have noticed I have a bit of a thing for comics, be it in previous posts or the comicroll and the pull list in the sidebar; or maybe you’ve been following some of my other endeavors or follow me on Twitter and have been left with little doubt that I do read and enjoy comics very much. So this is where I’m coming from on comics in general.

I also have a lot of appreciation more specifically for comics as teaching aids: it is to me a very suitable medium for teaching, and there is a lot of unjustified prejudice against this art form as being not for serious purposes, whatever that means. This is completely wrong, as can show the generally cheesy, but not bad teaching comics I read as a child, and it goes for grownups too, as the cartoons from Larry Gonick show (a nice trove of which can be found here, thanks Jeff), or more recently those Dante Shepherd is commissioning with a dedicated grant: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 (so far); hat tip to Fleen. So this comic from Apple could, if well done, help with general understanding of what they are trying to accomplish with these guidelines.

I also understand that, as a developer who has followed Apple’s policies relatively well and have some expertise in interpreting them, and who reads a few specialists in Apple kremlinology, I may not actually be in the target audience. I have little doubt that the app review team and DTS are interacting daily with many, many developers who discover the guidelines when their app gets rejected for violating them and/or have a very incomplete picture of the whole of the guidelines and/or are are very stubborn about what they think their “rights” are; this comic is probably intended for them. Lastly, the link to this comic has been provided to me by people I trust, and it is hosted in a CDN domain that Apple uses for a variety of developer-related resources (e.g. Swift blog post images), so I have little reason to doubt its authenticity.

Get on with it!

Ok, ok. This comic is actually sort of an anthology, split in five parts, and the first is:

Safety

With art by Mark Simmons. In a setting and style reminiscent of Jack Kirby’s cosmic works (New Gods in particular), we find the hidden son of Flash and the Silver Surfer as the hero of this story, in which he has to cruise through space, avoiding a number of hazards, after he encounters some sort of Galactus-like planet eater. Will he succeed in time?

I found the story rather hard to follow, no doubt due to the unfamiliar setting, and had to reread it a few times to make sure I hadn’t missed anything; beyond that, the art serves its purpose, unfortunately the tests clearly isn’t here to support it.

Performance

With art by Ile Wolf and Luján Fernández. In a more playful style, two schoolchildren in uniform are battling using Pokémon/Digimon/kaiju (circle as appropriate), and the battle appears to have grown out of control. The situation is dramatic, and it’s not sure there is anything that can stop them.

At least here any ambiguity as to the situation is intentional, but even then it’s hard to take it seriously when the text (speech or narration) takes you out of the climax; not everyone can be a Stan Lee and add text after-the-fact that works well with such a story. And while the conclusion of “Safety” in part explains its title, I can’t help but think its hero would have been more appropriate to star in the “Performance” section.

Business

With art by Shari Chankhamma. A more intimate setting with interesting art where we follow the growth of a boy through times good and bad, but always in the same place: the barbershop he patronizes.

Maybe the most interesting of the stories in this anthology, and it’s too bad they couldn’t come up with text that was to the level: either do away with it, or hire better writers! Who edited this stuff?

Design

With art by Ben Jelter. Foraging in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, with an art style to match, a boy locates and manages to repair a robot who may or may not be related to Wall-e and Eve.

It’s a section for which developers for Apple platforms have understandably high expectations, but I don’t know if they’ll be met with the robot design, or with the art in general, which is nothing special. The less said about the text, the better.

Legal

With art by Malcolm Johnson. A noir/private eye story, all in greyscale, and interestingly starring a woman.

The art style is surprising in a good way for such a story, but it does not do a very good job of carrying the story, and as we’ve seen, no point in counting on the text for that either. At least this one has more relationship with its claimed subject matter than the others do.

Conclusion

What… in… the… ever-loving… frick? This comic may have the dimensions and approximate page count of a comic issue, but is, to be blunt, a crushing disappointment. Its only point, it turns out, is to put pictures which tell their own stories around the exact words of the official document, without any attempt at adaptation, or even just, say, recontextualization of the guidelines as an exchange between two characters. These words don’t benefit in any way from being told there. Meanwhile, the pictures just follow their own scenarios and tell their own stories without any consideration for what is supposedly spoken in the bubbles: there is no correspondence either thematic or in pace between the events depicted and the words you can read. There is no teaching benefit whatsoever to these comics, and no way I see anyone at any knowledge level benefit from reading it, let alone be enlightened as to the profound meaning of the guidelines. It’s as if bubbles were randomly placed, linked so that each would overflow into the next, then the text of the guidelines was just dumped into them. This shows better than anything I have previously seen that sequential art is more than the sum of pictures and text.

Verdict: download it, but don’t read it, and only use it in a few years to remind your interlocutor who works at Apple that this has been a real thing that Apple has released, in order to embarrass him.

App Review Guidelines: The Comic Book
Price: 0¢ (digital only)
Publisher: Apple
Words: Apple
Cover illustration: Dailen Ogden
Illustrations: Mark Simmons, Ile Wolf, Luján Fernández, Shari Chankhamma, Ben Jelter, and Malcolm Johnson


  1. Diamond is the only distributor to comic book stores in North America, and comics appear in its catalog a few months before being available, in case you’re not familiar with that aspect of the comics industry.

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